Warden’s blog, stardate 2/7/2020 (Day 105)
Hello to all my friends from St Peter’s and further afield. I hope you are all okay and keeping well. The purpose of today’s blog is a “pick-me-up”, I was hugely entertained by a post which Curate Carol found on Facebook and re-posted. She has given me permission to add it in to the HPC blog, and I hope you find it as funny and entertaining as I did. It is particularly appropriate since we have just completed an interesting 8 weeks of bible study, following a course run by the Bible Society.
The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect spelling has been left in.
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
I do hope you enjoyed these and that they cheered you up.
A further newsletter is being sent out by e-mail and post so look out for that in the next day or two.
Also, Revd Rachel, Curate Carol and the wardens, plus the H&S officer are looking at a way to have a said service of Holy Communion on Wednesdays. A risk assessment is being worked on and PCC will consider the proposal in a Zoom meting on Monday next week. Do look out on the webpage or on social media to see the plans. Whatever we do, be assured that the safety of our people is uppermost in our minds and we recognise that not everyone will want to join until they are comfortable with circumstances.
This is a prayer for those affected by the Coronavirus disease:
Keep us, good Lord,
under the shadow of your mercy
in this time of uncertainty and distress.
Sustain and support the anxious and fearful,
and lift up all who are brought low;
that we may rejoice in your comfort
knowing that nothing can separate us from your love
in Christ Jesus our Lord.
And today’s collect:
you have broken the tyranny of sin
and have sent the Spirit of your Son into our hearts
whereby we call you Father:
give us grace to dedicate our freedom to your service,
that we and all creation may be brought
to the glorious liberty of the children of God;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.